Keep Your Marriage: Die to Yourself

The other night I was listening to an interview with a man as he was repenting of the effects of impropriety between he and a woman in his staff while he was seeking divorce from his wife. The man that was interviewing him is also the one who is heading up the restoration process in his life. As I continued to listen I learned that he had divorced his wife and had married the woman that he had built the relationship with. The man who was interviewing said that he was "impressed with the maturity" of the woman that the other had committed adultery with, and that the staff at the church were all amazed at how the two seemed to be "made for each other".

I was distressed by the conclusions made by the interviewer and the agreement of the new couple sitting in front of him. It made me think, what about the man's ex-wife? What was she? Didn't God join the two of them together not to be separated by anyone? Didn't Jesus say that divorce was given as the response to a hardened heart, but at the beginning it was not the way? "He made them male and female and for that reason a man was to leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and the two would be one flesh; therefore what God has joined together let no one separate." (Mark 10:5-9)

It was also interesting that "maturity" was not defined by actions done in denying ones self, taking up the cross, and following Jesus, but upon how they confessed their sin and carried themselves after being caught in a severe case of immaturity. It was not defined by the woman staying clear of the man who was having marriage problems, but by how she "supported him through such a time of testing". 

Being "made for each other" seems to be a phrase I hear a lot from people that are and have decided that the marriage to their current partner was a wrong choice or their partner isn't worshipping the ground they walk on so they aren't their "soul mate". The way I understand marriage from being in it through good times and hard times is that the person to whom God joins you is the one that will sharpen and hone so that after years the relationship resembles the headship of Jesus and the submission of the church, and the joy that reigns. 

Now I know that there are people who will think that I have no compassion or even room for the mate that will not reconcile, leaving the other to wonder in confusion and pain. I know that Jesus made provision for divorce in the case of adultery. In the case above we are not talking about seeking divorce as a result of adultery. Instead, this is about hard times and seemingly irreconcilable differences between a husband and wife. Then the man finds someone who "understands him" and instead of running away he stays in the presence of the woman as a worshipper and falls. 
Most of the people that I know who have gotten divorced recently have done what is described above. They can't find unity with each other. Some have gone to counselors even Christian counselors and still find no unity of purpose to pull them out of the trouble and discord that defines their married life. 


So this is the issue. How does a marriage survive in an age when a person's right to be happy, in the immediate, blinds them to the great benefits found in vows kept through the best and the worst?   
It survives the same way that it always has. You die to yourself, take up your cross and follow Jesus. You seek the face of God who made your mate and you do what He tells you to do, whatever it is. No matter how strange and no matter how it is returned. The vows you made were to Him, therefore, you keep them; no matter the response. 
Now to those who are in the throws of divorce from a mate that tore things up and cheated, and they have left you with pain, confusion, and maybe even children who don't understand. Jesus is near to the brokenhearted and He binds up their wounds. You can seek the comfort of others, and you can even settle for it, but there is no one who comforts the hurting like Jesus. If you will call out to Him, He will hear you and He will help you.